it’s times like this where i wish there was a “downvote” sort of option on ao3 because people are just super ugh and disrespectful (referring to the fic where ryan’s w*fe is in it in a negative light)

yeahhhhhh

i talked to them in the comments and they changed the fic so that ryan was married to a man previously, which solved the issue, but i don’t think they quite grasped why i said that what they wrote was inappropriate (they pulled the “but creative license thing” when i commented that they shouldn’t be writing ryan’s wife in anything no matter the characterization, but the negative characterization was even more disrespectful to someone who did not give their consent to be in fic) 

Why are people like this like why would you put someone in a fic who doesn’t want to be and then make them terrible too?? And then the whole thing of “I’m trash haha” like stop

because people are terrible

like… we need to remember that these ppl we write about are real, and that they’ve given us permission (that they would be 100% in the right to revoke at any moment) to write about them, and we need to respect the very few and basic requests they have for us such as not including families.

anyway i think the best (possibly the only) way to treat family members who don’t want to be in fandom content is pretend they don’t exist. if you want to, say, give ryan an ex-wife, then make it clear (from name to characterization) that she’s an oc. same with kids. don’t pull coy shit where you write around (but still about) people who don’t want to be involved and then act like you didn’t involve them in something they didn’t give consent to be involved in. saying “oh ryan’s wife this, ryan’s wife that” (which i have seen multiple times in fic [and many times they do it in order to characterize her as a bitch like could u get ur misogyny out of here]) is undeniably the latter case and it needs to stop yesterday.